1
00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:01,680
[snoring]
[clock ringing]

2
00:00:01,840 --> 00:00:05,040
[upbeat music]

3
00:00:29,240 --> 00:00:30,480
[intriguing music]

4
00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:33,400
[thunder rolling]

5
00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:36,320
[Jon] Liz. I'm glad you're here.

6
00:00:36,480 --> 00:00:37,720
I have something for you.

7
00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:40,720
Something very important.

8
00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:45,000
I know. You have come
to unburden your soul.

9
00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:46,040
Thank you.

10
00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:47,240
Thank you.

11
00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:51,680
I spend my days
coping with quiet desperation.

12
00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:54,120
You spend your days
drawing bad cartoons

13
00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:56,600
and making barely adequate lasagna.

14
00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:59,800
We all live with quiet desperation,
Jon.

15
00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:03,240
Some of us are...
just a little less quiet about it.

16
00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:04,800
Are you listening to this?

17
00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:06,880
Still, you have your dreams.

18
00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:08,600
Dreams? Ha.

19
00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:11,320
The author H. L. Mencken wrote:

20
00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:15,520
"The more a man dreams,
the less he believes."

21
00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:16,960
[sighing]

22
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,920
Okay, hold it. Stop right there.
Cut!

23
00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:23,480
-I need to speak to the director!
-I'm right here, Garfield.

24
00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:24,640
Something wrong?

25
00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:27,840
Could we turn off the thunderstorm?

26
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:30,480
Andy, kill the thunderstorm effect.

27
00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:32,320
[sound diminishing]

28
00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:34,040
It's not "The Garfield Show."

29
00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:37,440
It sounds like a bad soap opera.
Who wrote this episode?

30
00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:40,000
How should I know?
I never look at the scripts.

31
00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:45,600
Here. Just rewind this cartoon
back to the opening titles.

32
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:48,400
Andy, roll it back to the top, would you?

33
00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:54,680
There. "Script by
Samuel W. Underburger."

34
00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:59,560
Who in the name of Samuel W. Underburger
is Samuel W. Underburger?

35
00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:03,120
He's the new writer they hired.
I think he has an office upstairs.

36
00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:05,800
I'm going to get to the bottom of this.

37
00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:09,240
Let me have that script.

38
00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:11,680
New writer?

39
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:13,760
There was nothing wrong
with the old writers.

40
00:02:13,920 --> 00:02:15,560
I always enjoyed their joke.

41
00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:16,680
What do we do now?

42
00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:20,200
I don't know. Wanna go down
to the cafeteria and get some lunch?

43
00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:22,200
Yeah. Might as well.

44
00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:23,640
[cheerful music]

45
00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:25,760
Jon goes to prison for embezzlement?

46
00:02:25,920 --> 00:02:27,600
Liz marries Eddie Gourmand?

47
00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:30,520
I adopt Nermal as my son?

48
00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:32,520
What does this guy think he's doing?

49
00:02:33,920 --> 00:02:36,600
"Samuel W. Underburger, writer."

50
00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:38,720
[intriguing music]

51
00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:39,800
Brilliant.

52
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:43,240
Hey, Underburger. Hasn't anyone
told you this is a comedy show?

53
00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:46,080
I'm sorry, Garfield. I don't do comedy.

54
00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:47,960
It's a waste of time.

55
00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:50,520
Waste of time? You're joking, right?

56
00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:51,480
I never joke.

57
00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:53,960
-I also never laugh.
-Never ?

58
00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:57,760
Well, once. I was about,
oh, perhaps 8 year of age and--

59
00:02:57,920 --> 00:02:58,920
Hold it. Hold it.

60
00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:00,240
I've gotta see this.

61
00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:02,760
Could we have a flashback, please?

62
00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:04,680
Everything is getting all fuzzy.

63
00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,320
That's called a ripple dissolve.

64
00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:08,600
Okay. Continue.

65
00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:12,360
[Underburger] So as I was saying,
I was eight.

66
00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:14,560
One day, I was eating a banana

67
00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:17,320
and I absent-mindedly
tossed the peel away.

68
00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:19,880
Whoa!

69
00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:25,800
[raucous laughter]

70
00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:30,120
You thought that was funny?

71
00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:31,200
Hilarious.

72
00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:35,280
Thinking about it now,
I almost feel a chuckle coming on.

73
00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:36,240
[chuckling]

74
00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:37,760
I'm afraid that's it.

75
00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:40,080
I'll laugh again in a decade or two.

76
00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:45,000
[Garfield] We need funny, silly stuff
for me and Odie to do.

77
00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:45,960
"Odie"?

78
00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:48,000
The dog. The one with the tongue.

79
00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:49,520
Oh, I got rid of the dog.

80
00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:50,680
You what ?

81
00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:53,160
I wrote him out. I don't like dogs.

82
00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:54,640
Wrote Odie out?

83
00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:55,960
You can't do that!

84
00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:58,760
I can do whatever I want.
I'm the writer.

85
00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:03,240
It's such a nice day,
I think I'll go write in the park.

86
00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:07,200
[sputtering]

87
00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:09,160
If this guy's going
to write my show,

88
00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:11,080
I should teach him what funny is.

89
00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:14,000
I'm going to make him laugh. Watch.

90
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:16,720
[cheerful music]

91
00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:24,120
[circus music]

92
00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:32,960
Anything ?

93
00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:36,840
Tickle, tickle, tickle.

94
00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:38,680
Tickle, tickle, tickle.

95
00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:43,160
How about if instead of the feather,
I use the entire chicken?

96
00:04:44,880 --> 00:04:48,080
Tickle me one more time
and I'll write you out of the show.

97
00:04:48,280 --> 00:04:50,720
[dramatic music]

98
00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:52,880
What am I going to do about that guy?

99
00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:55,480
[TV] One of the most
important things in life

100
00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:57,320
is to be able to laugh.

101
00:04:57,520 --> 00:05:01,440
Do you know what happens to people
who don't have a sense of humor?

102
00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:03,720
They get jobs on this program.

103
00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:05,240
They worry too much.

104
00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:08,640
Not being able to laugh
makes disasters more disastrous.

105
00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:11,440
It makes troubles more troublesome,
you see.

106
00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:13,800
Think of laughter as medicine.

107
00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:17,000
Laughter as medicine? Yeah.

108
00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:19,560
Squeak! Just the mouse I need.

109
00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:21,360
What's up, Garfield?

110
00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:24,560
We're going to get Irv
and then perform a little surgery.

111
00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:27,520
I know a guy who's in serious need
of a humor transplant.

112
00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:32,200
[soft music]

113
00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:36,920
The doctor is ready for his next patient.

114
00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:39,360
Doctor. It hurts when I do this.

115
00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:40,760
Then don't do that.

116
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:43,240
[drum roll]

117
00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:48,960
In my professional opinion,
I say you're five pounds overweight.

118
00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:51,760
If you don't mind,
I'd like to get another opinion.

119
00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:54,800
Okay, here's another opinion.
You're ugly, too.

120
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:56,320
[drum roll]

121
00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:59,280
[yawning]

122
00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:00,880
Doctor, I have to ask you.

123
00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:03,920
Is it possible for a mouse
to be in love with an elephant?

124
00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:06,320
No, that is scientifically impossible.

125
00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:09,320
A mouse could not possibly
be in love with an elephant.

126
00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:11,040
In that case,

127
00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:14,760
do you know where I can get rid
of an engagement ring this big?

128
00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:17,840
[trumpeting]

129
00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:19,720
Are you quite through?

130
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:21,880
Sure looks that way.

131
00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:23,360
Come on, guys.

132
00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:25,520
[Irv] Hey! Wait for me!

133
00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:27,360
Let's see...

134
00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:30,600
I think I'd like tomorrow's show
to be even more serious.

135
00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:35,080
Wow. Not a chuckle. Not a smile.

136
00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:37,320
That guy's ruining your show, Garfield.

137
00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:39,400
I know, I know.

138
00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:41,800
There must be some way
to make him laugh.

139
00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:44,720
[TV] The essence of humor is in surprise.

140
00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:45,920
That's surprising.

141
00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:49,880
People laugh when things happen
they couldn't have expected.

142
00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:53,920
Observe this brief
scientific demonstration.

143
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:58,640
Hello, Milton. As you can see,
I am holding a large whipped cream pie.

144
00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:01,280
I can see that very well, Clyde.

145
00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:05,040
Good. I am now going to shove this pie
in your face

146
00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:08,760
thereby covering your entire face
with whipped cream.

147
00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:10,960
Oh. Well, if you must.

148
00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:15,480
[mild giggling]

149
00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:17,200
As you can see...

150
00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:19,160
not very funny.

151
00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:22,360
Now, notice how much funnier it is

152
00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:25,880
when we introduce
the element of surprise.

153
00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:27,200
Hello, Milton.

154
00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:28,480
Hi, Clyde.

155
00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:31,320
Say, how about loaning me
some money until payday?

156
00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:32,480
When's payday?

157
00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:34,920
How should I know?
You're the one with the job.

158
00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,640
[raucous laughter]

159
00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:39,920
You see? The element of surprise

160
00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:41,520
is what makes it funny.

161
00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:43,960
That's all you need to know. Thank you.

162
00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:47,880
Ok, that's how we're going
to make Underburger laugh.

163
00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:49,600
And we're going to need some help.

164
00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:54,040
You want me to wear this?

165
00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:56,400
But this is a chicken costume!

166
00:07:57,760 --> 00:07:59,760
[lively music]

167
00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:02,720
You really want me to do that?

168
00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:09,440
You want me to dig a hole here?
But I'm eating my lunch.

169
00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:13,200
Bring it along. This is important.
Now, can you do it?

170
00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:16,760
I'm a mole. I can dig a hole anywhere.

171
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:22,440
Excuse me, sir.
Do you like chocolate cream pie?

172
00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:24,800
Yes, I do like chocolate cream pie.

173
00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:25,920
Good.

174
00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:28,240
[laughing]

175
00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:30,000
That is not funny.

176
00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:36,080
That is not funny.

177
00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:37,960
[cackling]

178
00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:40,160
Here's your mail, Mr. Underburger.

179
00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:43,360
It's a chicken suit.
The cat said I had to wear it.

180
00:08:43,560 --> 00:08:45,920
I don't know why I do these things.

181
00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:47,120
That is not funny.

182
00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:50,880
Excuse me again. Do you by any chance
like coconut cream pie?

183
00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:53,840
Why, yes, I very much like
coconut cream pie.

184
00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:55,320
Excellent.

185
00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:57,120
That is not funny.

186
00:08:59,920 --> 00:09:01,160
Nor is that.

187
00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:03,360
Hey, Squeak. What time is it?

188
00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:05,520
I don't know. Let's ask Garfield.

189
00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:08,200
[bell ringing]

190
00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:09,600
Must be five o'clock.

191
00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:12,680
That is not funny.

192
00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:14,440
Plus, it's a quarter to six.

193
00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:16,200
Excuse me a third time, sir.

194
00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:19,400
Do you like strawberry cream pie?

195
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:22,120
No. I do not like strawberry cream pie.

196
00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:24,840
I detest strawberry cream pie.

197
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:26,760
Good. Because this one is lemon meringue.

198
00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:33,280
At the risk of repeating myself,
that is not funny.

199
00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:35,360
[crashing]

200
00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:39,280
-Did he even crack a smile?
-No.

201
00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:40,440
[screaming]

202
00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:43,800
I've had it with all this nonsense,
this foolishness.

203
00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:47,680
You will all pay for this.
I'm writing you all out of this show.

204
00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:51,680
This "comedy" thing is childish
and a complete waste of time.

205
00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:55,360
I may not become one of the great
literary figures writing this...

206
00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:57,160
this cartoon show.

207
00:09:57,360 --> 00:09:59,360
But I will tell you what I do have.

208
00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:01,640
I have my dignity.

209
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:03,320
[screaming]

210
00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:07,000
[chuckling]

211
00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:08,560
[laughing]

212
00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:11,720
[raucous laughter]

213
00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:16,560
Garfield, if I could only make
everyone laugh like this...

214
00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:21,240
I'll tell you what. Make my show funny,
that's a start.

215
00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:23,760
[laughing]

216
00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:28,560
But I don't know how to do that.

217
00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:29,600
I'll help you.

218
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:33,400
You need pies in the face,
people in chicken costumes...

219
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:36,320
Wait, wait. Let me get this down.

220
00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:38,680
Oh, and dogs. Dogs are funny.

221
00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:41,640
Especially ones with long, wet tongues.

222
00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:43,680
Odie! I'll put Odie back in.

223
00:10:43,880 --> 00:10:46,720
Oh, that's O, D, I, E, not O, Y.

224
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:48,880
[Underburger] Yes. Always.

225
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:50,680
[thunder rolling]

226
00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:52,960
[Jon] Liz. I'm glad you're here.

227
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:56,520
I have something for you.
Something very important.

228
00:10:56,680 --> 00:10:59,640
And I have something for you, Jon...

229
00:11:00,680 --> 00:11:01,600
Cut!

230
00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:03,880
-[laughing]
-[barking]

231
00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:07,720
Now, this is what my show is like.

232
00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:11,560
I'm proud to put the name Underburger
on it.

233
00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:12,760
[phone ringing]

234
00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:14,040
Hello?

235
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:15,800
What?

236
00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:17,680
It's the network.

237
00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:19,600
Not the network?

238
00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:23,120
You what? No, but you're wrong.

239
00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:26,200
No, no. This is so much more
entertaining.

240
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:29,720
They want all the jokes out
and all the serious back in.

241
00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:32,280
No way. Let me talk to them.

242
00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:34,000
Is this the network?

243
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:36,000
This is Garfield and I won't allow it.

244
00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:38,040
I won't let you ruin my show by...

245
00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:40,040
[laughing]

246
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,360
That's hilarious.

247
00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:46,320
Not when it happens to me.

248
00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:52,280
[upbeat music]

249
00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:11,880
Subtitling: ECLAIR